Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
