I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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