you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
