i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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