You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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