Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
it glows. i had to have it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
