dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
It's Friday. Sex?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
