sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
