Having a random hookup so left but love u
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
