I wanna bring you to show and tell
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
