You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
