So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
