I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
