It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
