just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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