Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
