I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
