It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
