Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
