I'm eating all of the evidence.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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