Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
