She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
