i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
