I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
