My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
