you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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