I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
