whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
