that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
