The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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