If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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