Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
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