he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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