If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
