did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
