they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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