Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
