it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
