a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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