the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
