I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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