At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
