There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
