Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
