Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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