do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
