i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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