Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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