you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
