On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
