my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
