it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
