I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
