Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
